The Ballad of the Golden Goose
by Clar the Pirate
Summary: If one were stuck to the back of a goose, one might be tempted to attempt writing a poem or two, to pass the time.
1. The Two Labourers

**The Ballad of the Golden Goose**

_In_ The Place With No Mirrors _by __Phillippa__ of the Phoenix (which you should go and read, if you haven't already), __each character (poet?) has__ their own rhyme scheme_. _I took that and ran with it. And kept on running. I'm practically in Belgium now._

* * *

**Two**** Labourer****s**

There once was a labourer from ...  
Moosey  
Who followed a great golden goosey  
He had to keep running–

No.

There once was a man who-was-a-labourer

No.

There once was a man called Moose

My name's not Moose.

Shut up. Who followed a great golden goose;  
But he was rather coy  
And a killjoy  
And his neck ended up in a noose.

There once were two men on a farm-y  
And one of them really was barmy;  
He got stuck to a goose  
And called his friend Moose  
. . .  
Now I wish I'd joined the army.

See.  
Not that easy  
Is it?

Gee,  
Stop your sleazy  
Visit.

Shut your gob.

Big fat nob.

I'm not talking any more.

All this walking is a chore–  
Evil glare  
From a bear  
Shakes me in my underwear!


	2. The Sexton

**Sexton**

When we were walking in a field  
And talking of the farmers' yield  
We heard a cry,  
All shrill and high,  
Of women being goose-napped!  
So even though there's mass today  
And our Flock might go astray,  
The pastor ran  
To lend a hand  
And when I frowned, he then snapped:

'I recollect no disrespect  
We do Good Works, if you collect,

And I am right  
And you are right  
And everything is quite correct.'  
And I am right  
Here on his right  
And everything is quite, is _quite_ correct.

So when I come before the Board  
To be inducted for the Lord  
I'll tell them true  
Until I'm blue,  
'I's following the pastor!  
For it's my duty, nay my pride  
To follow his venerable stride  
In sickness, health,  
Need, dearth or wealth,  
Because he is the master!'

And 'you were right' I think they'll say,  
'To argue in this kind of way'

And I was right  
He might be right  
So everything is quite alright.  
And I am right  
And he is right  
And everything is quite alright.  
Quite, _quite_ alright.

Oh God.

* * *

_If you're thinking the rhythm and rhyme scheme is a little familiar, what you're trying to remember is _Our great Mikado, virtuous man_ from Gilbert & Sullivan's _The Mikado_. Have crossed the Belgium border, it is raining._


	3. The Pastor

_For this poem I not so much stole__ as 'intertextualised'__ parts from the Latin communion setting, Philipp Nicolai, John, Song of Songs, Matthew, and William Blake. _

* * *

**Pastor**

_Kyrie __eleison_  
My knees are not  
What they once were.  
_Christe__ eleison_  
A cup of hot soup  
Would be greatly appreciated.

_Gloria in __excélsis  
Deo_ how brightly shines  
This morning's light –  
In this day  
Is no darkness at all.

_Laudámus__ te_  
I and the flight of doves hiding within the trees.  
_Benedícimus __te_  
I and the flock of sheep just shorn.  
_Adorámus__ te_  
I and the fawns that browse among the lilies.  
_Glorificámus__ te_  
Sweetness drops from my lips as the honeycomb.  
And yet,  
I would sit down  
Under a shadow  
With great delight.

_Sanctus, __sanctus,__sanctus_  
Leaf of sustaining might  
For a caterpillar.  
See sexton?  
The chomping path it's made.  
Silly boy,  
Will you not enjoy with me  
One brief hour?

_Angus Dei,  
Miserere __nobis_  
We do not stop and wonder  
As often as we ought.  
_Miserere __nobis_  
We do not always see you  
Upon our mountains and clouded hills,  
In our green and pleasant land._  
Angus Dei_, dearest,  
Grant us your peace.

* * *

_If you spotted the pun please tell me. I love puns. And the first snowfall in Brussels._  



	4. The Youngest Daughter

_The youngest daughter had an awful lot of __Winnie__ the Pooh read to her when she was little.__ The typo is as deliberate as Wellington's victory at Waterloo.  
_

* * *

**Youngest Daughter**

Look at that gold  
Goose  
I want to hold,  
Whose  
Feathers are bold;  
Lovely lovely lovely  
Gold

Gold –gold

Gold.

Just one feather  
Maybe  
Two be on the safe side.


	5. The Middle Daughter

_Ah, _guten tag, bonjour, en hallo_! It was only natural to give the middle child my favourite form of poetry._

* * *

**Middle Daughter**

Sunlight floats, drifting  
On a canopy of leaves  
There is no darkness

The roiling parade  
Threatens hills, worries the lake  
Dark music troubles

Night falls too quickly  
A shredded ocean floods the  
Sadly expectant

Sideways it beats me  
An unworthy opponent  
I tremble and cry

A single drop is  
Nothing but same old until  
It skates down my neck

Morning does not dawn  
It stomps, sulks, yawns moodily  
Begrudgingly wakes

All is grey _and then!_  
Then a particularly  
Hopeful shade of green


	6. The Eldest Daughter

**Eldest Daughter**

For one mistake I'm ever to be guilty charged

By sisters, clergy, farmhands, two of each, and then

My punishment is three days run o'er hill and vale

And four cold nights, so bleakly sleepless out beneath

The stars, of which the Five so brightly shine and point

The way to home, where I have lived since I was six

Or seven, youngish yet at any rate; a child

Who does not now deserve the fate of these poor eight.

Nine if you count that pox-ridden goose.

* * *

_Nine eighths of this poem __is iambic hexameter so it should(/might) feel disturbingly regular and slightly long-winded. I have a new appreciation for Elizabethan poets who used iambs all the time; try it some time, it's hard. Unlike the Guylian seashells in my pocket which melted.  
_


	7. Dummling

_This was going to be a concrete poem and _so_ much cooler but fanfiction wouldn't allow me to have big blank spaces. Ah well._

* * *

**Dummling**

Angry

Brothers

Calamity

Degenerate

Eat

Fortunetelling

Goose!

Holiday

Inn–

Janus

–Keeper

Lustful

Maidens

Oggle

Pinch

QED

Rambling

Stumbling

Two more for

Unseemly

Vulgarity

Wonder-men

... Xylophone?

Yearning

Zenith

That's funny.

* * *

_and that's all, I'm off to France. If you're wondering ab__out any of those words just ask – except for x, I have no excuse for x._


	8. Goose

_Okay no, _this _is my favourite._

* * *

**Goose **

golden  
no.79 $$  
aureate auric  
auriferous aurous  
aurulent $$  
cashcow  
booty  
prize  
swag  
gravy  
prime  
shine  
spark  
in an  
eye $  
think  
ofthe  
eggs$  
greed is a mag-  
ical thing $ covetousness  
ravenousness craving indulgence  
gluttony gormandizing $$ ingredients:  
1 goose 12-14lb thawed if frozen, salt and  
pepper, grated rind of 2 oranges (and stuffing) $$  
you are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy $$  
gold? yellow glittering precious gold? that yellow slave $$$$  
all that glisters is not gold often have you heard that told$  
Dummling went and cut down the tree and there was a  
goose sitting amid the roots with feathers of pure gold  
he took her with him $$ more gold has been mined  
from thoughts of man than has been taken from the ground $$$ – the end


End file.
